"For how long shall I avoid

The words that come to me
Those that remain elusive
How much longer do I keep silent?
Running around in circles
Refusing to break this curse"

It causes deep anguish to remember the dead after their departure. Its like I keep a dam between me and my emotions, by not thinking of it. Its when I remember you I drown in flood of grief.

The fear had me in a chokehold. As a child, as a teen, as an young adult and till a little time ago, I remember I used to lay down with you at night, gazing at the night sky through a window beside, sometime adoring the rain, at other time submerged in the recluse of your presence and each time being aware of your murmur of breathe and the upheaval of your stomach. Silently I would thank Allah for you were there.
The last night with you is still etched in my mind. And in the morning you left me mummy. Now empty bed lay there and sleep has forsake me. I deserve this agony I am sorry. I couldn't do anything.
They say its your day. And everyone I know shared their photo on social media with their mother. I never told you I loved you. But I adored your child like innocence. Happy mothers day mummy. I wish I told you I loved you. I understand you!