"For how long shall I avoid

The words that come to me
Those that remain elusive
How much longer do I keep silent?
Running around in circles
Refusing to break this curse"

It causes deep anguish to remember the dead after their departure. Its like I keep a dam between me and my emotions, by not thinking of it. Its when I remember you I drown in flood of grief.

The fear had me in a chokehold. As a child, as a teen, as an young adult and till a little time ago, I remember I used to lay down with you at night, gazing at the night sky through a window beside, sometime adoring the rain, at other time submerged in the recluse of your presence and each time being aware of your murmur of breathe and the upheaval of your stomach. Silently I would thank Allah for you were there.
The last night with you is still etched in my mind. And in the morning you left me mummy. Now empty bed lay there and sleep has forsake me. I deserve this agony I am sorry. I couldn't do anything.
They say its your day. And everyone I know shared their photo on social media with their mother. I never told you I loved you. But I adored your child like innocence. Happy mothers day mummy. I wish I told you I loved you. I understand you!

Agony

 

Surah Yusuf

 Surat Yusuf | show me scars

A poet once said,

“We are all beautifully

flawed-—our imperfections

are what help tell our story.

When we choose

to show up and share

our humanness with others,

instead of hiding

behind it out of fear,

we serve as an invitation

to create something

real-—and real never leaves

room for forced.”

When we brush past one another, arm against arm, we tug our masks tightly. Scars, they say, are hideous and not to be shown. Coat them with creams; cloak them with cloths; lock their memories in a bottle and toss them to the sea-—they are no one’s business but your own. I listen, and I bristle at this mentality. How many girls and boys, men and women drown, tricked into thinking that they are alone in this sea-storm called life? Sometimes, the most promising lifebuoy to toss to their rescue is a story. Just a story: a story of turbulence and triumph, and the scars to tell them, “You are not alone.”

And so I marvel at revelation. I marvel at it because it teaches us to strut our scars and carry our vulnerability proudly. For observers, they are each a story wherein inspiration shines.

Study this scene from Qur`ān: we see an older Yusuf, once abandoned, once enslaved, once imprisoned, now safeguarding all the food stores of Egypt. Starving peasants throng his gates, which he opens graciously. And from this crowd, his brothers approach him-—the same brothers who triggered a string of misfortune that evening by the well-—they approach him now, peasants before an empowered king. We don’t know what buried hurt surfaced again when he met his brothers that day; we don’t know how he smiled through memories of abandonment; how he gave through his pain. Our Rabb never gave us those details. But we do know how bitterness simmered inside him when his brothers lied about his past: “They said, ‘If he has stolen [there is no wonder], for a brother of his [i.e. Yusuf] has stolen before.’ So Yusuf concealed it within himself […] and he said [in his heart], ‘You are in a worse spot than him, and Allah knows best what [lie] you allege.’”

قَالُوا إِنْ يَسْرِقْ فَقَدْ سَرَقَ أَخٌ لَهُ مِنْ قَبْلُ ۚ فَأَسَرَّهَا يُوسُفُ فِي نَفْسِهِ وَلَمْ يُبْدِهَا لَهُمْ ۚ قَالَ أَنْتُمْ شَرٌّ مَكَانًا ۖ وَاللَّهُ أَعْلَمُ بِمَا تَصِفُونَ

When you think about it, our Rabb could have skipped this detail. He could have plucked the perfect palate, the flawless, the wholly admirable when portraying His prophet’s life, but He doesn’t. Rather, He shines a subtle light at Yusuf’s emotions: his resentment, his anger, bundled in a bitter riposte. And we can hear Yusuf’s pain spill on the page when he battles to hold it all in. “…and he said [in his heart], ‘You are in a worse spot than him, and Allah knows best what lie you allege…”

If there is one thing this ayah taught me, it’s this: your stories of vulnerability and triumph are hopeful messages in a bottle; you never know which shores they will wash up on, which hearts they will call home. So please, take off your cloak, your cream, your mask.

Show me your scars, for, by them, you are human

 Surah Al Fatihah..

As a child I remember reciting this Surah was one of the beginnings of my journey in trying to connect with Allah. When I was very young almost five I remember a glimpse of my late mother giving me a heartfelt smile as I tried reciting Al Fatihah ardently without knowing its meaning, as most of the child does route learning of certain Surahs and Ayahs in their own journey of practicing Islam. Long time back after growing up when anticipations and aspirations towards life got broken and depression starts setting in I turn to Allah in trying to comprehend all the meaning of life and the strength to carry on. While uttering the very words of Al Fatihah my heart would linger on the meanings of it while my tongue would slightly and subtly commit the iteration of Al Fatihah and let all the meaning sink in. Though the Surah is also called  Umm Al-Kitab and Ar-Ruqyah (remedy) there are many virtues of reading  it buto ne of the virtue is that it’s a prayer which when you recite then Allah answers in return.

 Muslim recorded that Abu Hurayrah said that the Prophet said, 

Whoever performs any prayer in which he did not read Umm Al-Qur'an, then his prayer is incomplete.

He said it thrice.

Abu Hurayrah was asked, "When we stand behind the Imam"

He said, "Read it to yourselr, for I heard the Messenger of Allah say,

Allah, the Exalted, said, "I have divided the prayer (Al-Fatihah) into two halves between Myself and My servant, and My servant shall have what he asks for.'

If he says,(AII praise and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of existence.

Allah says, ' My servant has praised Me.'

When the servant says,The Most Gracious, the Most Mercirul.

Allah says, ' My servant has gloriried Me.'

When he says,  The Owner of the Day of Recompense.

Allah says, ' My servant has glorified Me,' or ' My servant has related all matters to Me.'

When he says,  You (alone) we worship, and You (alone) we ask for help.

Allah says, "This is between Me and My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he sought.'

When he says Guide us to the straight path. the way of those on whom You have granted Your grace, not (the way) of those who earned Your anger, nor of those who went astray,

Allah says, "This is for My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he asked for.'."

These are the words of An-Nasa'i, while both Muslim and An-Nasa'i collected the following wording,

"A half of it is for Me and a half for My servant, and My servant shall acquire what he asked for."

Subhan Allah. Praise of all kinds does only suits Him who calls us to His “deen” and after calling answer our prayers in ways He finds right for us. Who speaks in silence when all else is a poor transation as said by Rumi. And Allhamdulillah for all the sufferings which brings us closer to Him in this life for He is our final Abode, our destination. To the One we do return to. And all my trying of seeking Him is actually Him seeking me because He knows I have no recluse to turn to other than Him. Subhan Allah.

http://quranreflect.com/posts/12401

Surah Mulk

 Its whenever I read Surah  Al Mulk and listen to  its Tajweed with translation, whirling emotions rise within me like tide rising on seeing a moon. There is so much I want to say about it, but then I think to my self that so insignificant I am to say about Allah's words but I have  hope on Allah's mercy that He will forgive my mistakes especially those I do carelessly, not knowing . I want to say that Allah is so magnificent in Might and Honor and everything I bestow His Honor with and may my pen does not betray me when it comes to writing about Him. This Surah starts with praise of Allah, indeed our Lord is worthy of all praise and has true  right over it. The whole surah is beautiful like the whole Qur'an( even for those parts which we can't decipher) it goes on to talk about how He created the Universe, and the image of Night sky comes to my mind...how very beyond my reach does it exist and how very a spectacle I behold is paradox in its own. Its when He says that He has strung the stars for us to see and to comprehend who is its Creator. Reminds me that everything that exist is a witness of its Creator. and How  very absolute that Creator might have been Who has created the things so very perfectly. Indeed its an honor that He is my "Rab"  and its enough for me that I am His "ibadee". Its when He says that " Look at the birds..." He signifies those things too which we cant comprehend. Indeed He is absolute and everywhere. In some other verses He signifies that we as people are just walking around what we can't see or feel can't exist for us  and in this thing we are so " ghafil" and yet how very wrong for us to walk in this land as we own everything. Its an Irony that the King of all the Kings does invite us to His path and is when He warn us against His wrath I see His mercy. I have read somewhere that through Him only we get to walk righteously. May He guide us all to His Mercy and give us the strength to carry on after His guidance is my silent prayer and wish. Aameen

http://quranreflect.com/posts/12379

Surah At Takwir

 These ayahs are strong disposition of the time which we all are promised to witness. When we shall see what lies inevitably ahead of us all, whether we deny or accept that we shall sow as we reap.

The Day written in the book of destiny when the mountains of oppression and cruelty will float like cradled wool. Indeed we will witness, the sky cleft as under over our head and each soul shall bear its burden and will be answerable. Then only those will speak who are allowed to. The Day dreaded by many but still longed by few who wish to see the Truth-the One who is elusive but still apparent, the One who will be the spectacle and beholder at the same time. The greatest Paradox.

Chapter 81: The Overthrowing, Verses:  7 - 14

and when the souls ˹and their bodies˺ are paired ˹once more˺, (7) and when baby girls, buried alive, are asked (8) for what crime they were put to death, (9) and when the records ˹of deeds˺ are laid open, (10) and when the sky is stripped away, (11) and when the Hellfire is fiercely flared up, (12) and when Paradise is brought near— (13) ˹on that Day˺ each soul will know what ˹deeds˺ it has brought along. (14)

http://quranreflect.com/posts/12330

ponderance on dismal

 "Every being on earth is bound to perish

And there will remain the Face of your Lord, Owner of Majesty and Honor." Surah Ar-Rahman ayah 26-27

 

So much to say when it comes to these very verses of The Noble Qur'an, and myself being so very insignificant, cant put it all to words, but who am I - such a treacherous, earthbound worldly being lost in my own sins

But I have hope in His mercy no matter what, even if my sins are not  worthy of being forgiven. As i look back to my past mistakes i find myself guilty of being naïve. Maybe such guilt have taken a back seat and now anxiety has taken a toll. But still i should write, write for he sake of innocent heart who didn't know .

that words falls short amid all the parable of pain and loss, or the resignation towards and unknown grief. You silently ask to yourself that what do I seek. Where am i going. How mysterious it does seem that you do find recluse in a scripture written almost 1400 years ago. who does speak in silent whispers to my soul. In front of Whom I submit if I cant convince of a certain kind of " true love" which is in the unknown recesses of your heart. If you wish to look within with a little introspection. you would find yourself to be never alone. who does perceive through those eyes is your own parable. That things are delusional. And its ok to be a mess. For everything is temporary.